mapping out the future

If there's one thing I can say about not working, it's that it leaves you with plenty of time to take stock of yourself. Where you're headed in life. What you hope to achieve and accomplish. And the chance to map this all out to help you get where you want to go. This is exactly what I've been doing these last few days. Some soul searching. Some priority adjusting. Aligning my hopes and dreams. And I've come up with a fool proof plan of how to become the person that I hope to be.

The very first step in this process is to get myself onto the show 'The Bachelor'. Here, I'm pretty sure that I can find true love. Okay, so I would really be more suited for the show 'Average Joe'...and this would be fine with me. After I fall in love, I'll expect the network to pay for my wedding just like they did for Trista.

Once married, my wife and I will proceed to the show 'The Amazing Race' where we can spend our honeymoon traveling around the world. Upon returning, I'll go on 'The Apprentice' and this will easily solve the little 'no job' problem that I'm currently having.

Once the finances are covered, it'll be time to appear on 'Trading Spaces: Home Free' to cover the new house and the mortgage payments. As the years pass by and my wife and I age, we'll need some refreshing in the looks department...which is when we'll need to appear on 'Extreme Makeover'.

I'm a realist, though, and know that even the new 'hot' us may not be enough to reignite that spark. So, naturally, it'll be time for us to head to the show 'Divorce Court' and then 'Judge Judy' to divide the assets from our now broken union.

I'll then be able to spend my retirement years in Florida, enjoying MTV's Spring Break and all their live programming from the beach every summer watching all those nubile and seductive co-eds jiggling around in the sand. Ah yes, it's always good to have a plan.