my two days of employment

I just realized yesterday that technically, I am employed. A couple of months ago, if memory serves correctly, I was interviewed and hired as a 'job coach', whose function would be to help disabled people adjust to a new job in the community. It was only part-time and only paid nine bucks an hour, but it was something.

So the very next day I started the two-day training period.

Day one, I went to the on-site area in the building to coach people in packaging light switch units. My conversation with the 'light-switch-boss' went something like this...

Chrissy (the light-switch-boss): Whatta ya want?

Me: I'm the new job coach that was hired. I was told that I had an assignment with an employee of yours today.

Chrissy: I don't know nothin' about that. Who told you to come here?

Me: Andy.

Chrissy: Well why don't you go sit next to Neil and help him.

So I sat down next to Neil, who had been there for two years and knew exactly what he was doing. And for three hours I watched Neil put 1 screw, 2 nuts and a light switch plate into a plastic bag. Finally, for fear of falling into a coma, I went over to Chrissy and told her, 'Neil really has the process down. I don't think there's anything I can really help him with.'

'Yeah, Neil does good work. Well, I got nothin' else for ya. Why don't you go find Andy and see if you can leave.'

Day two was basically more of the same. This time, I was helping train someone in the cafeteria. His job was to wipe down the tables. Not surprisingly, even rather low functioning adults can grasp the concept of wiping tables with little help from anyone else. As I learned later, the guy that I was 'coaching' had worked at McDonald's prior to this. His job? Wiping down tables. Needless to say, he knew the drill. The reason he was fired from McDonald's was because he would occasionally wipe his nose on the same rag that he was wiping the tables with. Hey, I mean, if your nose is runny, right? On this day, though, there wasn't one nose wipe on the table rag. A rather good coaching job if I do say so myself.

At the end of lunch, I asked Andy if there was a schedule or anything to let me know when I was suppose to work, who I'd be helping and where it would be.

'No schedule,' Andy told me, 'I'll call you when we place someone new that needs coaching. I'm anticipating a lot of work coming up in the next few months.' Which was fine by me. I needed the money, and even though the job itself was incredibly mind-numbing, it was something.

That was two months ago. I'm still waiting for the call. And if it doesn't come soon, I just might quit. That'll teach those bastards a lesson!