h&r blockheads

I really didn't want the headache of doing my taxes myself this year. Having spent half of 2003 in Maryland, half in Virginia and having at least some (very little) money in banks throughout three different states. I just didn't want the headaches of filling out 1040s, 1099s, adjusted state forms, the 1244s, b-52s and all those other forms so that the government can stake claim to their portion of my earnings from last year. So, with all this in mind, I headed off to H&R Block with all my forms to let them handle it for me.

My friend had H&R Block do his taxes last year and said that it cost him about $70. Turbo Tax charges $20 for the federal government and $20 for each state. Quick calculations told me that for an extra payment of $10, they could do the same thing that I could do myself on the internet. Quite a deal, I reasoned.

I got there at 9:50 for my 10:00 appointment thinking that maybe they could squeeze me in early and I could get on with the morning. My morning, unfortunately, would have to wait. By 11:00 they were finally ready for me. I sat down next to Ben, my assigned tax specialist for the day, who starts looking through my papers and typing the tax info into his computer.

Now I don't really know all that much about taxes or finances, but as I was watching the screen to make sure I'm getting at least the deductions that I deserve, I noticed that Ben made a mistake. So I asked him, "Um, isn't that supposed to be a 4?"

"Oh, yeah, gee where is my head today?", Ben says.

Now this is just great, I'm thinking. This guy is doing MY taxes, and I'm correcting him?! I must say, that it didn't fill me with a whole lot of confidence. And that level dropped even further when, once he was finished, he asked me if I wanted to pay $27 dollars for insurance... just in case he made a mistake while working my taxes.

I looked at him and ask, "Are you kidding? Look at what I earned last year...are you telling me that you think you made a mistake with numbers that small?"

"Well, er, no, I guess not", Ben reassured me.

"I think I'll pass on the insurance", I told him. And that's when the H&R fee was computed and appeared on the screen. Seventy bucks? Not even close. Apparently since there were two different states that had to be filed, there were multiple charges that I incurred. My bill was $200. I looked at Ben and said, "this is another mistake, right?"

"Well, uh, I guess there were extra charges because we filed for Virginia and Maryland..."

Needless to say, I'm never returning to good old H&R Block. If I'm going to federal prison some day, it'll be because I screwed up my tax return, not Ben. I figure that this way, I'll at least I'll be $200 richer going into the slammer. And my tax return? Well, the money I was hoping for...desperately hoping for...from my taxes is now going to H&R Block. And I hope that the bastards all get really bad paper cuts from all those dollars of mine as they count up their earnings for the day!