car maintenance made easy

So today I was driving home and that little light on my dashboard suddenly lit up that says 'service engine soon'. Frankly, I've never been real sure what this means. Does this light mean, 'just a friendly reminder that you've driven quite a few miles and it would be very kind of you to service your engine soon so as to keep your car functioning at its top performance.' Or does this light mean, 'SERVICE ENGINE SOON OR YOU WILL DIE A FIERY DEATH WHEN YOUR CAR BLOWS UP!' I've never been certain as to which end of the spectrum this light is pointing toward. But still, I'm willing to risk it.

This isn't to say that I have a death wish, however. It's more because this stinking little light also came on a few weeks ago. I was just as confused about it then, but I figured that I'd let my car try to work out its own problems. The light turned itself off one day while I was driving down the highway, so I figured that things were once again back to normal. Obviously, I reasoned, my car was experiencing some inner turmoil. A mid-life crisis perhaps, or some 'car-issues' that it needed time to work through. The light disappeared, my car was healthy, and all was right in the world. Now the light is back.

Once again, my first instinct is to let my car fix itself. Once it realizes that I'm not going to do anything about this little light, I'm quite sure that it'll get bored and simply turn it off all by itself. This theory fits in perfectly with my overall sense of car maintenance. Any strange noise, ping, or scrape that I hear coming from my car is easily fixed by turning up the radio. The louder the noises which my car is emitting, the higher the volume goes on the radio. And instantly, the problem is solved. Dents are easily taken care of by carefully placed bumper stickers, which people mistakenly assume belong only on the 'bumper'. This, however, is not true at all. Take my car, for instance. I feel that the bumper stickers which I have on my passenger side door, hood, and over my cracked tail light look very fashionable.

And if my car decides to be stubborn and refuses to shut this little light off, then I'll use my mechanical aptitude to once again solve this car dilemma of mine. Namely, by a piece of duct tape and some black permanent marker. So you see, the light on my dashboard will eventually go off, despite whether my engine gets serviced or not.