mr. harpy 101

The first class of the new semester last night has shown me that this is going to be a long eight weeks. After an accounting class last semester, I figured that a brain dead, only paper writing class for the next few weeks was in order. Well, I got my wish...and brain dead is exactly what I'll be by the time this one is done. I have quickly discovered that when a college course is described as 'night class for working professionals' what what it means is 'a class taught by an idiot who fancies him/herself as a 'professor'. Inevitably, these four hour, once a week classes end up being less about the subject and more about how great the instructor thinks that he or she really is. And that always turns out to be, 'very great'.

Last's night class, entitled 'Marketing Management', was really just a thinly veiled veneer for what the class is truly about, namely, the first of an eight part series on, "Mr. Harpy: The Greatest Man Alive!". High points of the class included:

Mr. Harpy's rescue of his wife's business by cutting costs by 75%!
"I told her, you only use that truck twice a month! So I sold it the next day! Why pay the driver now that the truck is gone? So I fired him!"

Mr. Harpy clearly showed his financial prowess by these crafty and ingenious cost-cutting moves.

Mr. Harpy's Porsche!
"One of my clients saw my Porsche...of which I've had six...and said to me, I bought you that car, didn't I? And I told him, 'yes'. But when you pay me, you know that you're getting the best! And the best doesn't come cheap!"

Clearly, modesty doesn't play into Mr. Harpy's business strategy.

Mr. Harpy's selling of pew cushions to a church!
"Good Shepherd hired me to buy cushions for their pews! They should have come to me for the carpet as well, because it was hideous! Obviously they went to a terrible designer when they bought that garbage! So my job was even tougher, because I had to find quality and fashionable cushions that matched this horrid carpet! Well I did it, and the biggest compliment I could get was that seven women in the congregation commented on how stunning the pew cushions were!"

And what, I ask you, adds more to a total religious experience then posh pew cushions? Mr. Harpy has truly earned a place in heaven with this one!

Mr. Harpy's incredibly fabulous interior decorating business!
"We only sell high quality furniture! You'll only get the best from us! None of that IKEA crap! That's bottom of the barrel stuff! And not that Levin Furniture junk either! Which is second rate and only a step above IKEA! Granted, these two stores suit a purpose, but I don't want to cater to the welfare crowd!"

Funny thing is, two weeks ago I bought quite a bit of furniture from both Levin and IKEA. I'm quite sure that Mr. Harpy would greatly disapproval of my 'welfare' taste in decorating. Lucky for him, I have no plans on ever inviting him over...even if I do someday buy a church pew that needs a cushion.