it must be nice to have fans

Hate mail is not something that I’m fond of receiving, even when it’s from people that I never liked in the first place. Not that I’ve received a lot of hate mail, but I have burnt bridges in the past, and generally, where there’s a burnt bridge, there are quite a few pissed off people over on the other side.

Now for the most part, if I know that an email is going to be chocked full of hate, I’ll delete it and not bother reading it. Curiosity virtually kills me, but I somehow sustain and hit the delete button before I go against my better judgment and read the thing. You see, for some perverse reason, I seek peoples’ approval. Whether you know me, don’t know me, or hate my guts, I need your approval, I want you to like me. Sadistic, but sadly, true.

And this past week, I got a random email in my inbox from an old student of mine…a student from an elitist private school that I taught at. You should know, that when I decided on teaching, back in college, I seriously thought that I’d never meet a kid that I disliked. I was mistaken, because just like the adults that they’ll grow up to be, some kids are just plain assholes. And here, at this exclusive private school, I met more elementary school assholes than I ever thought was possible. Funny how money can asshole-ify a person, regardless of their age.

So the letter started out innocently enough…’So,,,,,,Mr. Varner….’ and then went on to spew your typical pre-teen ideas of insults…’your web site is queer’, ‘we thought that you sucked’, ‘we’re so glad you’re gone’.

Now really, as a teacher, I was pretty much a softie. I wasn’t into the ‘hard assed, sit quietly behind your desk doing dittos while I sit and drink coffee, speak only when spoken to’ kind of educator. If I could have my class up and moving I would. If I could tie in bubble gum, slime, goop, or something that would explode into a lesson, I’d bring it in. Still, though, you just can’t please everyone.

Naturally, this email pissed me off, and the weasely kid signed the thing, ‘from, a former student’. Of course, as if to show the intelligence of this weasely kid, his email address was his first initial and last name. Seeing that, I knew where the email came from…a kid named Norman that I taught a few years ago when he was in the fifth grade, which would mean that he was now in eighth.

And while I would have loved to send Norman a vile, hate spewing, name calling email back, I did the typical ‘teacher’ thing and took the high road. I sent him an email relating my disappointment, sadness, and remembrance of how his attitude caused many problems with his classmates when I had been his teacher. I got an email back from him two days later and, being pretty sure that this was another piece of hate mail that was being sent my way, I deleted it without reading what it said…of course, not without much temptation to open it and see how many more insults were being thrown my way.

So, if you’re Norman and you happen to be reading this, in the future, before sending out any more hate mail through the internet, make sure you’re using an email address that doesn’t contain your name. And, although as a rule I don’t like taking the high road, just be thankful that I’m above calling you names.

You stupid little shit.