the secret to getting a job

So after my promotion into a lesser role, which is how my idiot boss tried to explain that by demoting me she was really 'promoting' me, I am now doing background checks again. Hopefully, this will be my last hurrah at the company, having been on an interview, then a second interview, and having just got back from an odd, Saturday morning meeting at Starbucks with the second in command at the non-profit organization which I applied to. It's really not that prestigious a job, and all of these interviews and meetings are starting to make me think that they're just trying to buy time until they find someone they want more than me. Today's meeting was the strangest yet...bringing to mind clandestine meetings at midnight behind the dumpster at 7-11 to swap the money for the 'good stuff', but he left saying that he was going to suggest yet another interview with the president of the organization for me. Because apparently the first and second interviews, which the president both attended, simply aren't enough. So, I'm really not all that confident anymore that I'll be the final selection. Besides, the way I see it, the more people I have to meet to get the job, the better chance there is that one of them won't like me and then it'll pretty much be over.

So yesterday I was processing the application for a young lady named Chrissy, who was applying for a job at a fire department. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until a question in the application that asked, 'Have you ever committed a crime that you were not caught doing?'. Now, if you did commit a crime and you weren't caught, why in the world would you confess to it on a job application? Naturally, she responded 'no'. But then, under the 'explain' part of the question she felt some perverse need to come clean and bear her soul. Obviously, confessing to your pastor or rabbi just isn't as good as jotting it down on a job application. So Chrissy began to explain:

Once during a party in 1999 some of my friends and me ran around the block naked at three in the morning, but no one saw us.

And then, if that wasn't enough, she had some more confessing to do...

I've also had sex in a public place before, but it's not a daily thing, only a couple of times, but no one has ever caught me.

Here are two perfect examples of things not to tell a hopeful employer. Of course, the even more baffling thing is that she's actually being considered for employment. Though, I'm guessing that the firemen in the department figure that a girl who runs around naked and engages in public sex may be just the thing to liven up the station...so Chrissy may have found just the thing to secure a job.

And with this in mind, I'm thinking that at my third interview with this non-profit organization, I might just have to look for an opening to mention how I love to streak and have sex in public.