the absent dinner guest

I went to dinner with a couple of friends last night, one of whom, Bob, is an ex-roommate of mine. Bob is also one of several reasons why I will never again live with roommates. Among some of his less than endearing qualities were his uncanny ability to locate food or drink, no matter how well hidden, and devour them, his skill at blocking virtually any toilet on Earth regardless of its suction capabilities, and his frequent 'forgetfulness' when it came to carrying a wallet...though this has less to do with 'forgetfulness' than it does with 'cheapskatedness'.

And, true to form, as the three of us headed into the new Chinese restaurant that had opened up down the block, Bob announced "Gee guys, it seems that I forgot to bring my wallet along."

We approached the counter, studying the pictorial menu choices which adorned the wall behind the cash register, and I told Bob that we'd spot him the money and he could pay us back later that evening.

"No I won't," Bob said, looking me straight in the eye.

"Well then Bob, I hope you enjoy your glass of water for dinner," I told him.

Soon after, we headed to our table, food in hand. I had ordered the General Tso's Chicken with rice, my friend had opted for the Sweet and Sour pork, and Bob sat down with his glass of water.

Bob, having ordered the only thing that his dinner finances could afford, sat and stared as those of us with food began to eat. Upon realizing that no food was going to be offered to him, he expanded his food gazing to another diner...a young lady who was reading the paper and trying to enjoy her lo mein noodles.

After a few minutes of having her noodles ogled, she quickly grabbed a take out box and left. Which was unfortunate, because it meant that Bob's attention returned to the table at which he sat. Though, by this time, I had finished my meal, leaving behind some uneaten rice. I tossed my napkin onto my plate and pushed back from the table when Bob asked, "hey, are you done with that rice?"

"Sure Bob, it's all yours," I told him. He picked up the discarded napkin, cleaned my plate for me, and then helped himself to the one remaining piece of pork on my friend's plate.

As we left the restaurant and made our way through the parking lot, Bob said, "well guys, this has been fun. We'll have to do it again next week."

"There's a good Italian place up the road," my friend mentioned.

"Well Italian it is!" Bob said, "and I'll be sure to remember my wallet next time!"

Though we all knew that this was a lie and that Bob's wallet will be unable to attend once again.

I'm just hoping that the Italian restaurant has a good selection of water on tap.