a new (but not improved) year

As a single guy, I consider myself to be fairly well versed on the popular 'single person' conversation topics. I can comment, with eloquence, on the sad state of the modern dating scene, television, music, sports, and can even throw in a quip or two about religion or politics if the situation requires it. This being said, as I set off for my friend's New Year's Eve party last night, I felt that I was pretty well armed in my arsenal of speaking points.

Upon arriving, I realized that most of the other people at the party were married and had children. I also realized that conversation topics mutate into something else altogether when people get married and start having kids.

I sat with my hors d'oeuvres in hand and was about to pop a tasty looking crab puff into my mouth when two couples sitting nearby began discussing breast milk. Mary just had a baby, and was relating the tale of her child's eating habits at Mary's Mammory Milkstand. Mary mentioned how happy she was that her son had not started teething, so as not to have her nipple nipped on, and other stories followed about the benefits of freezing breast milk, public displays of breast popping suckage, and how old each of their children were when they stopped partaking of teat treats. (It seems that Donny was seven when he finally stopped breast feeding). My response to all of this was to down my glass of wine, head into the kitchen, and refill.

I situated myself in a different room near a few older couples whose children were well past those breast feeding days. I found a seat, placed my new glass of wine down, and felt confident that images of breast milk would not detract from the stuffed mushroom that I was about to eat. And it was at about this time when Lynn began telling a story concerning her husband Frank's recent rectal examination. I chugged the wine, grabbed my plate of food, and quickly left the room.

Plate in hand, I followed the sounds of video game play into yet another room. I found a place on the floor to sit down and found that I was surrounded by the kids of all the party goers. I basked in the sounds of Playstation 2 games and conversations that centered around the toys they got for Christmas and their favorite Pokemon character and realized that I had finally found the crowd that I best fit in with.

And while I'm not sure that this is a good omen for what type of year 2005 is going to be, at least I was able to eat in peace.