religion...it's a group thing

My recent unemployment has provided me with ample amounts of time. And with this newly acquired time, I called an old friend who had a day off this week, and we decided to meet for lunch.

At the restaurant, pleasantries were exchanged. I told her that it was good to see her again. She asked how long it had been. I said too long. She said that I was looking good, and we sat down to eat. Being the good friend that I am, I didn’t even play ‘no work, no money’ card in the hopes of getting a free lunch out of her. I paid my own way, despite the cries for mercy from my wallet. I’m just a peach like that.

So we sat, and Cyndi mentioned the book The DaVinci Code. Cyndi has always been just a little bit behind the pop culture curve…clearly missing the heavy hype surrounding the book that occurred several months ago and only having it now make a blip on her ‘hot list’ radar. Granted, I really didn’t want to get into a whole religious discussion with her, especially considering that this was the same girl who dabbled with the whole Wiccan thing and was currently exploring ‘alternative’ churches with her husband and six year old son, who almost got bit by a snake that was passed to him, but stopped crying when the communal ‘Welch’s grape juice’ was blessed and passed around. But being the incredibly great friend that I am, in all my good natured peachiness, I figured that I’d indulge her in some religious talk.

“You know,” she told me, “the whole point of that book, and the only thing that really spoke to me and made me think was that scene where that group of people were having ritualistic sex in the basement. I mean, I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and the whole idea of group sex in the form of a ritual or religious experience is really intriguing to me…not that I would necessarily do this, but then again I might, I just don’t want people judging me on this, and that’s why I haven’t told anybody but you because I can just talk to you about this kind of thing, you know? So I found on the internet this group of people in West Virginia that get together a few times a week and have this big orgy, but they time it according to the phases of the moon, like, when it’s nearing a full moon they have lots of sex, and as the moon ebbs, they have less and less. Now, I’m not sure if I’d jump in and have sex with them or if I’d just watch, or what I’d do, but I want to see what form this experience will take for me. I’ve talked to my husband, and he’s willing to go to, so it’ll be interesting to see where this all leads, don’t you think?”

I set my fork back down on my plate, the food having never actually made it into my mouth, and started babbling about that kid who sold his forehead as advertising space on ebay for about $40,000 bucks and how I needed a stupid idea like that myself. “Just think of all the sex that kinda money could buy,” I told her.

After the meal, upon exiting the restaurant and heading toward our separate cars, she told me again how good I looked and that I was ‘quite the dish’. And while I rarely consider myself to be dish-worthy…at best, I can perhaps reach the ‘appetizer’ phase, but even this doesn’t happen often…I was flattered and thanked her. And it didn’t even hit me until I was on the road and driving home that perhaps all of this flattery was meant to recruit me for her religious sexual orgy that she seemed so intent on trying out.

And while I’m a fan of sex, and could even accept the whole married women sex and orgy sex, I draw the line at mixing sex with religion. Call it a Catholic thing if you will, but hearing people scream out, ‘Can I hear an Amen!’ while they’re about to reach orgasm would really put a damper on the mood for me.