why i now keep my cell phone on 'vibrate' instead of 'ring'

All I’ve really ever wanted out of a cell phone is to be able to make an actual phone call. The camera, game, internet connection, alarm, planner, and GPS indicator functions that are available on some models never held much interest for me. It’s a phone. When I need to talk, I use it. When I’m trying to take a picture, wake-up, or get ‘un-lost’ when I’ve wandered deep into the woods, Blair Witch-esque style, and desperately need to find civilization, I’ll use a product designed for that specific purpose.

And I hold firm to this view of phones…a strict call and talk policy only. Except that they come with all these fancy little buttons anymore. And if there’s one thing that takes precedence over my phone policy, it’s my inability to keep from pressing fancy buttons. I find buttons to be simply irresistible, and if there is a button nearby, you can be assured that my finger was on it, at one time or another, pushing passionately. This is just one of the many reasons that I chose to stay away from a government or military job. Because if given the authority to be in charge of that big red button that releases the entirety of the nation’s nukes onto a multitude of unsuspecting countries, I would be rendered absolutely helpless by some primal button pushing instinct and would effectively end the human race. It’s an addiction, I know, but I simply cannot leave a button unpressed.

This is also why friends often leave me out of excursions to department stores or Wal-Mart. Because this button pushing tendency also carries over to plush animals with a ‘push here’ button hidden in their paw. And when I see a display in the middle of a store somewhere, you can bet that every animal sitting there will soon be mooing, oinking, laughing, or doing whatever else it is that they have been programmed to do when that button is pushed.

So naturally, all these buttons on my phone were just begging to be pushed. And, after only a few were pressed, I found myself looking at a screen which promised multitudes of glorious ring tones. Now, I really could care less about ring tones, but seeing all these wonderful songs that could originate from my phone, I began to realize just how inadequate my phone really was in this area. Obviously, my phone was just not living up to its potential. So after a few more simple button pushes, I found that I had just spent two bucks to buy one of these special rings, a ring that would make getting calls so much more entertaining.

Armed with my one credit, I browsed the fabulous tones that were available to me, and finally decided upon an Ashlee Simpson song…the same one that was keeping me from getting to sleep a few nights ago. But to my dismay, Ashlee is worth much more than one mere credit. No, it seems that Ashlee is much higher up on the ring tone chain. And while I still hold firm that the song is quite catchy, it’s not multiple credit catchy. So I kept searching.

And I soon realized that with only one stinking credit, your ring choices are severely limited.

All of which explains why, instead of ringing, my phone now plays the theme song to Sanford and Son.