working through the stages

So I find myself working through the different stages of unemployment. By my calculation, I’ve already passed through the whole denial phase…which isn’t to say that I kept going to work, pretending that I still had a job…but rather that for the first week, my body just wasn’t catching on. And every morning, even though my alarm clock wasn’t set, I’d wake up at the same time. I’m just thankful that this phase is over.

Which brings me to my current stage, the anger stage. And this is what I’m using as my excuse for being pissed off at the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

I realize that they grant wishes for all those soon to be dead kids. And I realize that they probably get lots of people applying for jobs there. And I realize too, that if I was dying they just might have hired me, which makes me think that perhaps I should put this on my resume somewhere; ‘a team-player who can multitask, work under pressure, and will soon be dead’.

Not that securing employment would be my wish if I was dying, but it still would have been a nice gesture on their part…even when you consider that I’d be dead soon and then they could hire the person that they originally would have hired…it still would have been nice. But knowing all this still doesn’t change the fact that they’ve irked me by sending me the shortest rejection letter I’ve gotten yet.

Dear Applicant,
We received many resumes and have elected not to consider you further for this position.

And I ask myself, WHY THE HELL WEREN'T THEY IMPRESSED BY MY CREDENTIALS!!!

At least all those other hundreds of companies were nice enough to let me down easily by telling me how ‘impressive’ my credentials were. Sort of like the ever popular ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ break-up line. And even though you know it’s all a bunch of horse shit, it’s the civilized thing to do, you know?

But no, these ass holes can’t even be bothered to put my name into the damn form letter. I’m simply ‘Dear Applicant’.

I’m anxiously waiting for the day when I pass through the anger stage and enter into the bargaining phase of my unemployment cycle. During this period, I fully expect to enter into negotiations with the devil…a job for my soul. Though I’m hoping that I’ll hold out for one sweet ass job that pays scads of money, as opposed to a low, hourly rate kind of deal. At the very least, I’m going to insist on a company car…or maybe full dental.

But, in any event, had I received this rejection letter a few weeks from now, once I’m finished with the anger portion of the program and have entered into the bargaining stage, I’m sure that I would have been filled with nothing but love for the nice folks at the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Each and every one of those fuckers.