unemployment anonymous

I’ve finally come to the realization that it’s time to start networking. In truth, had I started networking back in college, I would probably have a powerful, high paying job by now…or at least a cushy government job that pays me well for doing practically nothing. And if given the opportunity to go back in time, I definitely would have studied much less and networked much more.

But figuring that it’s better late than never, I’ve started mentioning the fact that I’m unemployed and looking for a job to nearly everyone I meet. And while this feeble attempt at networking has gotten me very little in the way of a job, it has given people an alternative to asking me ‘what’s new?’ Now, they can replace this standard small talk fare with the question, ‘how’s the job hunt coming?’…which is just as annoying as asking ‘what’s new?’ except for the fact that now they can continually point out the fact that I have no job.

But this ‘no job’ status of mine has also pinned me as some type of bum guru, and I find that I’m often sought out by people who have also been recently canned. Marsha, a classmate of mine, is one such person who turned to me for sympathy.

She came running up to me while I was pouring a cup of coffee in the ‘student lounge’, which was previously a closet, and said, “I just got terminated today!”

“What happened?” I asked.

“Well, it was for something really stupid. Sort of like stealing chalk from school,” she told me.

“So you’re saying that you stole some chalk?”

“No,” she said, “I had my husband listed on my insurance and that’s why they fired me.”

“So they fired you because you’re married?”

“No, they fired me because my husband was on my insurance through work…you see, it’s a common law marriage…we’ve been living together for six years.”

Now by this point I had really lost all interest. I tend to find Marsha annoying on the best of days, and her flightiness makes it very difficult to follow any conversation that she’s trying to engage you in. However, the first half of class had already left my brain pretty numb, which made Marsha slightly more bearable. So I said, “I thought that you had to be living together for seven years for it be considered a common law marriage.”

“We’ve only been living together for six, but we’ve been together for over seven years, so I consider it a common law marriage. Anyway, someone found out that I listed my husband on my insurance and because ‘legally’ he’s not my husband, they fired me. It’s completely unfair!”

Now, granted I’m no lawyer, but I believe this is called insurance fraud. But who am I to question the legalities of marriage. If Marsha wants to believe that she has a common law husband, far be it from me to question the validity of this sacred union. Though I couldn’t help but think that it was too bad she wasn’t a lesbian…because then, at least, she could’ve sued them for discrimination.

In any event, the very next day I sent a resume to Marsha’s former place of employment because I knew that they now had an opening.