another example of how my genius goes unrecognized

My sister has always had a flair for the dramatic. And while she has never actually expressed any interest in becoming a movie star or model, her whole personality changes whenever there’s a camera in the room. Like most family photos, ours are an assorted collection of self conscious smiles and pictures that were snapped when someone (usually my mom) was in mid-blink. To a stranger looking through our family albums, we probably look like the largest group of misfits around…a family that clearly came from a distant country, unfamiliar with the language or ways of this strange new place…because everyone looks just this uncomfortable.

Except for my sister.

The minute a camera came into the room, she absolutely glowed. Her radiant smile, carefully choreographed pose, and complete ease at having her picture taken were in stark contrast to the unease that clearly showed in the rest of us.

My sister is now about eight months pregnant, giving me about a month left before unclehood befalls me. She mentioned how she was going to a baseball game with her husband tonight, and thinking of her combined pregnant state and her love of the camera, I came upon a great idea.

At eight months, her stomach is extremely round and large, so I suggested that she paint her belly white, add red stitching so that her stomach resembles a baseball, and then paint the words ‘FUTURE FAN!’ in big letters right across her midsection.

“Why let men corner the market on insane fandom?” I asked her. “For ages, we’ve been painting our bald heads to resemble football helmets and plastering large letters on our chests. It’s time to make strides for the women’s movement in this area!”

I felt confident that she could easily get television time from something like this, like a five second mention on Sportscenter or maybe even a guest spot on Oprah or Late Night with David Letterman.

She just gave me a very odd look and said, “You know, you may have just answered the evolutionary question as to why women give birth instead of men.”