the big time

Today marked my true arrival into the business world. Years of toil and hard work. Months of unemployment. Days of endless Rolodex spinning and white outing. All leading up to this moment…the moment in which I entered the stratosphere of the ‘movers and shakers’ of big business. And, if not one of the 50 most influential people in business, then I’ve certainly become someone who knows someone that knows someone else that has heard of one of these 50 most influential people. Yes, today is the day that I got my first ever, bonafide business card. Concrete proof that I have made it to the big time.

Prior to this, I have remained business cardless.

There’s a certain stigma to not having any business cards. A scarlet letter that you wear with shame, announcing to people that you are not worthy enough to have your name printed on tiny rectangles of card stock paper. Evidence that you are not important enough to be stuffed into someone’s wallet or purse and placed next to other very important items such as old lipstick tubes and gas receipts. But now, after many years, my name is important enough to be included in the company of such items!

Now, when out and about, upon overhearing people discussing topics such as paper clips and three ring binder punches, I can tell them, “I know just the item that you’re looking for! Here’s my business card. Call me on Monday and I’ll see what I can do for you!”

And at bars, when seeing an attractive lady that would never even consider going out with an unbusiness carded guy, I can approach her and say, “I’d love to dine with you one evening. Here’s my business card…why don’t you call me sometime.”

And, best of all, I’m now eligible to win a free lunch at Burger King by depositing my business card into the fishbowl that sits atop the counter right beside the cash registers. A lunch lottery which is unavailable to those unsuccessful individuals who have yet to earn a business card.

With these thoughts in mind, I ripped open the cellophane wrapper, tore open the little cardboard box that housed my business cards, pulled one out and sniffed it…breathing deeply that ‘just off the presses’ smell which recently printed paper tends to have. The smell of success!

Gingerly holding my business card in both hands, I held it out in front of me to gaze upon the key which would introduce me into the world of the rich and powerful! And glancing down, I realized that my name was spelled incorrectly.