resolutions

I have no resolve when it comes to resolutions. I have tried them in the past, only to find that resolutions take actual work...work which I have no will power to do, resolutions or not. And with no resolve, no will power, and no firm commitment toward the completion of things I resolved to accomplish, it takes about a week until the whole ‘new me for a new year’ idea goes up in smoke.

Therefore, this year, rather than making resolutions, I instead have decided to make new year wishes. Wishes take much less work…and with no work involved, I won’t so easily give up on them.

So, this year I have compiled a list of wishes that I’d like to see occur during the 2006 year. I’d like a new, higher paying job, that I actually enjoy, and I’d like Sarah Michelle Gellar to finally realize that I'm the man she should have married...not that Freddie Prinze Jr. guy.

I’d like to be taller, darker, and more handsome. I’d like my eyes to suddenly revert back to their 20/20 vision so that I can I can toss out my contacts, and I’d like a new, sporty little car. Knowing full well what women think of men who drive sporty little cars, I’d also like another couple inches of penis length too.

I want a checkbook that is always balanced, I want a bathroom that cleans itself, and I’d like to discover that I’m secretly the love child of Paul McCartney, who, upon finding out that he has neglected me for so long, sets up a trust fund in my name.

And, in the event that these things don’t happen, I simply wish that I could be happy with who I am and be able to accept my life for what it is.

Though, a better job would still be nice.