boy, was i wrong

Actually, I was one out of two in the ‘wrong’ department. I was correct in my guess that I would be the one taking the blame for last Friday’s contract breech fiasco, because this is exactly what happened. It was as if I, personally, kidnapped our AWOL inventory clerk Lori, stuffed her in a trunk, and dropped her to the bottom of a river somewhere, thus causing the orders not to get shipped on time.

I was wrong, however, in the assumption that my job would be safe…being that I was the sole billing associate. Because, as it turned out, my job was much less safe than I suspected. So much less safe, in fact, that I no longer have a job. And I am once again unemployed.

I was called into the director’s office on Tuesday afternoon, where he and my boss Kelly were both seated. I sat down in the chair closest to the door, my preferred seating space in case a quick exit is ever needed, and was greeted with ‘I don’t feel that we’re a good fit for you’, from Kelly.

Automatically, I knew things were going to head downhill fast from here. Because this statement is the business world counterpart of the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ break up line when dating someone you can no longer stand the sight of.

“What, exactly, are you saying?” I asked Kelly… knowing full well what she was saying, but wanting her to actually say it.

“I simply don’t think that we’re what you’re looking for in a company,” she said. As if, by letting me go they were doing me a favor. Obviously, they were so very concerned for me that they wanted me to find a company that ‘fit’ me better. Of course, the fact that I would no longer have any benefits or income didn’t seem to weigh into their consideration for my well being.

“Effective immediately, your employment here has been terminated,” she continued.

“Kelly, I think that, at the very least, I deserve some type of explanation as to why I’m being let go,” I said.

“I’m not going to debate this with you! I’ve had several complaints from co-workers about you and don’t feel that you fit in with the team we’ve assembled here,” she countered.

And with this, it became clear why I was finished. The reason was Bettie Jo.

Bettie Jo is constantly in varying states of miserableness and doesn’t like anyone…but the fact that she once held the position that I was currently employed in (or had been currently employed in) caused a special hate for me that the other employees of the company hadn’t yet achieved.

Bettie Jo is also the office tattletale. She is also very close friends with my boss Kelly. Over lunch in the employee break room, they could often be found sitting, huddled over their Bacon Cheeseburgers from Wendy’s, whispering fervently. I had suspected that Bettie Jo had been campaigning to get rid of me for awhile, and now it seems that I had my proof. Of course, as I sat in the office, shock slowly setting in, I realized that this proof had come too late.

“Bettie Jo will be taking over your duties for the time being while I search for your replacement. You have ten minutes to collect your things and leave the building,” Kelly told me.

As I stuffed my scant personal belongings into a cardboard box that I found near the copier machine, I began wondering which restaurant might have the best selection of food to in their dumpsters for dinner…because money has now become a non-renewable resource for me.

Prior to accepting this job, I had only one other company show any interest in hiring me. And now, things are so bleak, that I may need to start seriously considering a career as a cemetery plot salesman.