does buzz lightyear even have a penis?

With the abundance of free time that I now have since the whole job loss thing, I decided to catch up with my friend Cindy, who I haven’t talked to in several months.

Cindy is married to a psychologist and has a young son. Being married to a psychologist, she has become very intrigued by the study of human behavior. Freud, Skinner, and Piaget have become her new idols…a spot that, in her younger days, were reserved for David Cassidy, John Travolta, and Leif Garrett.

And with her interest in all things psychological, her son has become an unwitting test subject that provides countless hours of study. Lately, Cindy has been looking for subconscious meaning in the drawings of her five year old boy. Taped to every wall from her kitchen to the family room and leading up the stairway to the second floor are pictures that her son has drawn. And every single picture depicts Buzz Lightyear in some type of action pose.

“He’s really been into that Toy Story movie lately,” Cindy offered as explanation to the plethora of Buzzes buzzing around on each and every drawing. “I’m a little concerned however,” she continued, “because, if you look, most every Buzz has a pointy penis sticking out from between his legs. I’m wondering if perhaps this manifestation of penis as a spear means that he views his penis as a ‘weapon’. I think that perhaps he’s equating his penis as a signifier for power, and I worry that this may lead to him thinking of women as ‘lesser beings’ later in life.”

I looked at a few of the pictures on the wall. Although I’m no psychologist, nor am I married to a psychologist, I formed my own theory on the whole ‘pointy penis’ dilemma that Cindy was so worried would corrupt her boy.

“Cindy, I’m pretty sure that all these pointy lines between Buzz’s legs are just the flame from his jet pack that he uses to fly around with,” I told her.

“Oh yeah, that theory makes sense too. So you think I might be reading too much into his drawings?” she asked.

“Perhaps just a bit,” I responded. Though I cringe to think of how this poor kid is going to be analyzed when he’s caught looking through his first Playboy magazine.