preparing for battle

In the week leading up to the release from my job, the grapevine was rampant with stories concerning Debra…an employee who had been ‘released’ two weeks prior. As rumor had it, Debra was fighting the company in order to collect unemployment.

“They deny everybody unemployment,” Barry said. And at two years with the company, making him one of the most senior employees there, I figured that he should know. He had seen many people come and go, thus adding a certain sense of finality to his statement.

In retrospect, I guess I should have seen this conversation as a sign of foreshadowing. That I too, would soon be the topic of conversation around the office. But at the time, I paid it little attention. My life has remained void of allegories, iambic pentameters, and all other literary devices, so I didn’t even think twice that this unemployment conversation at the office would be foreshadowing anything that might relate to me. Though, now that I have found literary devices at work in my life, I will surely start looking for some kind of happy ending…preferably one that involves a large beanstalk and a golden egg laying bird of some type.

Once I was terminated and sat in the parking lot with my box of desk items sitting next to me on the passenger seat, I could only think of Debra’s dilemma and steeled myself for the inevitable battle that I knew would be coming.

Sure enough, a letter came from the unemployment office the other day. I had filed over a week ago, but instead of a check, I opened the envelope to the words, ‘FINAL DETERMINATION’. Being that these words were all in capital letters, I new that they couldn’t signify anything good, because you never receive documents with words in large lettering from government offices that mean something good will be coming your way.

I skimmed through and saw, in bold letters, ‘the final date to appeal is March 24!’ And, just like capital letters on official government mailings, nothing good ever comes from bold lettering either.

I read through the appeal process, and quickly filled out an on-line appeal form. Sitting back, reasonably sure that I had enough evidence to support my case, I prepared for the lengthy trial that would surely ensue. Granted, I’ve never been to any unemployment hearings before, but if there’s one thing that television has taught me, all hearings take place in a court, generally with a cantankerous judge, and enough lawyers to fill a Carnival Cruise ship.

The very next day, I received an email from the unemployment office folks. I clicked on it to see what date my hearing was set for and read, ‘Sir, since we found in your favor and that you are eligible to receive unemployment compensation, there is no reason for you to appeal the decision.’

I more closely read through the letter they had sent the day before and saw that this was true. All of which means that skimming official government related documents isn’t nearly as good as reading these same documents.

I’m just hoping that there isn’t a stupidly clause which they can use to deny my claim.