the state of things

My bed hasn’t been made for several days now. I haven’t changed out of the sweatpants I’ve been wearing. And bills that are now overdue litter my kitchen table. Plus, I could really use a shave. Yet I have no motivation to accomplish anything.

I tell myself, however, that as long as things inside my apartment are in a better state than things outside in the hallway, I must be doing well. Because for the past several weeks, the management of my apartment complex has been in phase 18 of their ‘renovation project’, otherwise known as, ‘our plan to double your rent project’.

First we had the elevators updated, then the mailboxes got replaced, the parking lot was repaved, we got new windows, and now the hallways are being stripped of the wallpaper (circa 1962) and are being prepped for paint.

Thus, once you exit out my front door, you’re met with spackled holes, an overpowering scent of fresh paint, and a haze of dust from the sanding which has been going on all week…a dust which frequently sets off the fire alarms. In addition to this, the hallway carpeting is now decorated with multiple paint splotches and many scraps of ripped off wallpaper.

All of which culminates in making my apartment building look like the most overpriced slum residence in the city.

And as long as things remain in better condition inside my apartment as opposed to outside, I can continue telling myself that I’m doing alright. That I’m holding things together. Though I fully expect this illusion to come crashing down around me very soon…such as when things like my phone service and electricity are shut off.

And every day for the past week, I’ve been telling myself that ‘tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow is when I’ll straighten up, fly right, and do all those other clichéd things which will mean that I’m getting my life back on track.’ This hasn’t happened yet. And it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen today.

But tomorrow…that’s when I’ll start pulling things together.