breakfast of champions

Pop-Tarts have been a staple in my life for the past several years. These little packets of sugary goodness have proved to be my breakfast of choice since the Summer of 2002.

My relationship with food tends to be somewhat obsessive. When I find something I like, I eat it very often. Everyday, this new food that I’m enamored with ends up as my lunch or breakfast…sometimes being both lunch and breakfast. This isn’t a new development, however. When I was just a kid, I went through my grilled cheese phase. This lasted from age five through age eight. Later, between my freshman and junior years in college, I went through my Wendy’s Cesar Side Salad phase. And, for a three month period during 2003, I abandoned my Pop-Tart addiction for Panera bagels.

And I eat these new favorite foods of mine until I am completely and utterly sick of them. The grilled cheeses, Caesar side salads, and bagels have all fallen off the charts completely. I have no desire to rekindle my relationship with these foods. Sadly, this is quickly happening with Pop-Tarts as well.

Having no job, Pop-Tarts prove to be my sole reason for waking up in the morning. The thought of that toasty little taste sensation is what pulls me out of bed. Should I feast on the Frosted Cinnamon, Hot Fudge Sundae, or the new Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough variety is my biggest concern each morning. But now, these breakfast treats just aren’t doing the trick anymore, and I’m not enjoying them nearly as much.

This morning, as I forced my way through my morning Pop-Tart, I had to admit that it just didn’t have the same appeal as it once did. I no longer look forward to that morning Pop-Tart. Rather, I find myself staying in bed longer and longer each morning thinking, ‘not Pop-Tarts again!’ And I’m lost. What food should I now turn to? What food will I look forward to each morning? What food will help me get out of bed, ready to face yet another day?

Being unemployed, people expect me to drink more. With no job to worry about, I can drink in the evenings knowing that if I oversleep, no harm is done. I can drink during lunch, knowing that I’m not in violation of any office policies, so no harm is done. However, I won’t drink before noon, because this might imply that my hobby has become a ‘problem’.

Of course, I could always pour beer into my Frosted Flakes instead of milk...which would not only motivate me to wake up each morning, but proves to be the perfect loophole in the ‘no drinking before noon’ rule as well.

The mornings may soon become just a bit sunnier once again.