saving time

My friend Gwen invited me to brunch this past Sunday. I’m not a ‘brunch’ type of person and generally dislike Bloody Marys, or any mixture of alcohol with celery for that matter, but agreed to meet her at 11:30.

There are certain things that you come to accept about the friends that you choose. And I’ve long since come to terms with the fact that Gwen is flighty. She claims that this ‘flighty-ness’ is a sign of genius. “It’s like Albert Einstein,” she’s told me before, “he was, like, super-smart, but was sort of scatter-brained. Like me, you know?”

And, like Einstein, they each have their own theory of relativity. Einstein’s being that time is relative and slows down as you near the speed of light and Gwen’s being that time is relative in the sense that, if she tells you she’ll meet you at 11:30 this might mean 11:30, 11:45, or possibly even 11:50.

However, by 12:00, I felt that a phone call was needed to find out just how relative a concept time was going to be on this day. Gwen answered the phone and I asked her where she was.

“What are you talking about,” Gwen said, “it’s not 11:30 yet.”

“Gwen, it’s already after noon. Did you forget about Daylight savings time?”

“Of course I didn’t forget,” she told me. “I set my clock back before I went to bed.”

“Back? Gwen, you’re supposed to set your clock ahead one hour in the spring.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she replied. “It’s called Daylight Savings time, you know, because we save an hour. We get that hour back.”

“No, Gwen,” I said, “the ‘savings’ part of Daylight Savings time has nothing to do with getting an hour back.”

“Well this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! Who’s the idiot that came up with this idea?” she asked. “Look, if we’re losing an hour, then it’s really more like Daylight Spending time, because I don’t see what we’re saving by doing this! And I set a fucking hair appointment an hour before we were supposed to meet! Now I’ve missed it! This totally sucks ass!”

It’s unfortunate that Einstein isn’t still alive to commiserate with Gwen. Geniuses need to stick together, you know?