as the nest turns

I read somewhere that dust is mostly made up of dead skin cells. And, judging from the amount of dust around my apartment, I have to conclude that I am either losing skin at an alarming rate, or that I really should dust more often than I do.

With this in mind, I decided that perhaps it was time to clean. Having no job, time wasn’t an issue…rather, it’s been motivation that has been holding me back. So today, I decided, I scrub.

Vacuuming, dusting, floor washing, and tub scrubbing all commenced. And, once finished, I even decided to tackle the windows. When things around my apartment were all agleam with cleanliness, I plopped down on the couch. And not five minutes after I plopped, a bird smacked head on into my newly washed window.

I watched it fly away, breathing easy that I wouldn’t be solely responsible for an increase in the bird mortality rate in the city, but I began to think that, surely, with the smacking that the bird just endured, some sort of bird concussion must have taken place. And, having seen enough afternoon soap operas to know what a concussion leads to, I knew what the future would hold for this bird.

This now concussed bird probably has amnesia, I reasoned, and most likely has a little wife bird with newly born baby bird off in a nest somewhere. Having completely forgotten who he is, this bird will probably find and fall in love and start a family with a different bird…completely unaware of the life he used to have.

His original bird wife will surely mourn the disappearance of her husband, but life will go on. Worms will have to be found. A little bird mouth will have to be fed. And someday, this little bird will inadvertently meet another little bird and fall in love. Of course, unbeknownst to him, the bird he is destined to fall in love with will be his step-sister, the daughter of his long lost father.

His father, having caught the bird flu, will have his memory return only moments before passing away…revealing to his daughter that she has a brother, the same brother that she has fallen madly in love with.

Torn and tearful, she will run off…perhaps to Cleveland…where she will find a nice pigeon to marry, but never forgetting the love of her life, her brother.

And one day, when her brother becomes rich and powerful in the bird world by amassing the most wealthy collection of colored string in town, she will return to claim her share of the fortune.

Naturally, her brother won’t want to forfeit any of his amazing string fortune. And it will be at this point that she reveals to him that he is really the father of her son, not the pigeon. Her baby bird…the heir to the colored string fortune.

Now reunited, this happy and complete bird family will fly off. And as they swoop down over a country road, I’ll probably be driving to an interview at the exact same moment…killing them instantly as they bounce off my windshield.

A sad end to a long saga. Of course, if I get a job offer from the interview, at least there will be a happy ending.