great expectations at greatly inflated prices

Jim, who has recently decided to embark on a new career selling gyros, also decided that it was time for a new relationship. He broke up with his girlfriend a few months ago and is currently in the process of ‘getting a new start’ on life.

The plan, to help with the new girlfriend portion of his ‘new startedness’ was to head down to a company called Great Expectations…a dating service…and have them do the majority of the leg work for him. Having nothing better to do, I decided to take a drive down with him.

We walked into the office, located in a swanky new office building in a part of town which is undergoing a ‘revitalization’…which generally means that the rent in these buildings is triple what the rent is in the buildings three blocks down the street...where we were met by Lisa, who told us that she was finishing up an appointment, but led us to the lobby and asked if we wanted something to drink.

We declined and Jim was given an application form to fill out. As Jim began writing down his pertinent information, I sat and listened to the music which was lofting throughout the lobby by speakers hidden somewhere from up above. The musical selections, which were comprised of non-stop love songs, were carefully selected to showcase just how single and lonely you must be if you’re sitting in the Great Expectations lobby. Thus, the mood was set early so as to prime unsuspecting clients into ‘relationship mode’. A state which could easily be remedied by Lisa and her trained staff of ‘dating specialists’, turning you from a schlubby single schmuck into a dating Don Juan.

Shortly after, Lisa was escorting us into her office. For fifteen minutes, she dropped the best sales pitch I’ve ever heard…I was left wondering how anybody met and fell in love without her help. Then Jim broached the subject of price.

“Well, normally I don’t discuss fees until someone is prepared to enroll with us,” Lisa said, “but depending on which package you choose, the price ranges between $3,000 and $6,000.”

As I picked my jaw up from off of the floor, positive that at a $6,000 price tag I’d be remaining single for quite a long time, Jim continued listening and asking questions as if this figure didn’t phase him in the least.

As our time wound down, Lisa stood, offered Jim her hand, and said, “I’ll be in touch to let you know what the next step is and about our different payment options.”

We left the building and, as we were headed to his car, I said to him, “I can’t believe you kept listening to her pitch after she told us how much this would cost…you’re not seriously considering this, are you?”

“Hell no, I’d never pay that much!” Jim told me. “I just stuck around because I wanted to stare at her breasts a little longer. What an amazing pair of tits she had!”

The exact same pair of tits that I’m sure convinced many other single men to fork over $6,000.