doomsday

There I sat, crouched and cowering, in the corner of my apartment earlier this week. Because of all the evil-tinged omens surrounding the whole 06-06-06 date, I felt it best to stay as inconspicuous as possible. And while I don’t particularly view myself as a superstitious person, I generally feel that rather than risk any bad mojo from finding me, I’ll pretend to follow along…just in case.

So when the phone suddenly rang this past Tuesday, I carefully sidled over from my seat in the corner and contemplated whether I should answer. On the one hand, I thought, this call might a long lost uncle in desperate search of an heir to leave his fortune to, a fortune that would come in quite handy due to my current state of finances. Yet, on the other hand, the call might be from Satan himself, claiming my soul for an eternity of hellfire and torture.

In the end, the hopes…however small…of money won out and I answered.

To my surprise, the call turned out to be a job offer. And while I can’t help but think that getting a job on a day regarded as ‘evil’ can be a good thing, I accepted…once again, money winning out over potential cosmic harm to myself. Though, in an attempt to ward off bad spirits, immediately after accepting I knocked on wood, scrubbed myself in garlic (which is generally used to ward off vampires, I know, but you never know when one will pop up), and danced naked inside a protective circle of salt which I poured on my living room floor. I had seen the circle of salt thing on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, thus ensuring its accuracy, the dancing was an improvisation on my part…but seemed appropriate considering the circumstances.

All of which is how, this weekend, I find myself employed and due to start on Monday. Which happened not a moment too soon. Because as I danced in my protective circle of salt, I inadvertently stepped on a carpet tack…clearly confirming that evil things did befall me on that day. With any luck, though, my health insurance will begin in time to get a tetanus shot before my foot gets infected and needs to be amputated.