co-workers are best when they're not around

Historically speaking, I haven’t had much luck with the whole ‘job’ and ‘career’ thing. Whether it’s the people I work with, the person I work for, or the job itself, at some point I become disillusioned and disinterested. From here, things go rapidly downhill, culminating in my departure. The only variable in this equation is whether my departure is my idea or theirs.

With this goal in mind, I plan on making a true effort in liking my co-workers, not hating my boss, and putting an end to all office related complaints.

This is proving to be more difficult than I imagined.

Take Cara, for example…the other sales rep at the company. She’s making it very hard to keep me from keeping with my ‘like your co-workers’ part of the plan. In truth, I desperately want to throw a stapler at her head. She started about a month before I did, having never sold anything before. Yet, apparently, having a start date 45 days prior to mine, entitles her to dispense advice freely.

“You’re not adding enough ‘sizzle’ to your phone calls, listen to me and you’ll see how it’s done,” she says.

“You would sell more if you developed more of a repartee with the customer, like I do. That’s why I was the top salesperson for the month of July,” she says.

“I used to make the same mistake that you’re making, but now I only call quality prospects,” she says.

“What’s a quality prospect? Isn’t a sale a sale? How in the world do you know who’s going to buy before you call them?” I asked her.

“You just don’t get it,” she replied.

And apparently I don’t. But, at the same time, while her sales totals were high in July, her sales totals for August were zero. That’s ‘zero’ as in nothing.

She has explained this massive drop in productivity in several different ways.

“I’ve been feeling sick,” she says.

“Clearly, companies just don’t have the free cash that they had last month to purchase things,” she says.

“We need a better marketing strategy than the one we currently have…that’s the problem! I have some great ideas to share with the boss that will totally increase my sales!” she says.

Her ideas, the best of which consisted of putting our company’s phone number on pens and passing them out to potential customers, have all been shot down by the boss.

Last week, I found her moping at her desk. I just don’t feel like making any sales calls today, she said. People tell me ‘no’, and I just can’t seem to pick myself back up. Later that day, she called our product manager at the corporate offices because she needed some ‘encouragement’.

And, though I’ve tried to like this girl and failed, a small part of me can’t help but feel bad for her.

Though a larger part of me is jumping with glee.