the skies may be friendly, but the ground...not so much

I arrived in Minneapolis with my co-worker Cara - The same Cara who considers herself to have all the answers and who I generally dislike. I didn't have high hopes for the week.

These hopes plummeted even further when, that very Sunday evening, I tripped and took a spectacular fall...a definite 9 on a scale of 10 in the Olympics of falling. Unfortunately, as a result of my medal winning clumsiness, I was left with a severely battered looking face...a huge knot on my forehead, which would turn a sickly yellow-greenish hue by mid-week, and a chewing gum strip of lost skin running straight down the bridge of my nose.

On the bright side, however, Cara and I actually started hitting it off. Perhaps because we were in a strange city and knew nobody else or perhaps because we didn't have the whole 'work' thing to drive a wedge between us, I actually thought that perhaps some type of friendship would result. Even her abundant use of the phrases, "totally!", "that's awesome, man!" and "that's cool, man!" which usually made me cringe, weren’t even bothering me as much.

This glorious budding friendship lasted all the way through Tuesday night...two whole days. It was at this point when, after dinner, Cara returned to her typical Cara-ness.

"You know, man," she began, "I totally got you your job. Vince (our boss) brought me your resume to look over and asked what I thought...and I knew when I saw it that it was total bullshit, man. But I thought, 'you know, he seems okay', so I told Vince to hire you."

"Gee, thanks...I guess," I said. Because what, exactly, are you supposed to say to someone who lays claim to getting you your job. 'Great! Now that you're done with me, you can continue working on that cure for cancer and end to world hunger' perhaps. "My resume wasn't total bullshit, however...though, I admit, I lumped all my teaching experience together."

"I totally know that, man! I completely saw through what you were trying to do. That other lady who was up for the job had way more experience than you...but she had a limp. I think that's why Vince didn't hire her."

"Yeah, those limpers...what slackers they are."

She didn't appear to be listening, though. Once revved up, her mouth flows quite freely.
"And Vince is totally screwing me! He's always riding my ass! He never does that to you! I haven't even seen one commission check!" she fumed.

"Cara, you didn't sell anything all through August."

"Whatever...it's bullshit, man! Total bullshit! I'm so talking to Trudy (the district manager) and telling her about what Vince is doing to us!"

And out of all her manic ranting, that one word sent shivers down my spine...'us'. Because, while I agree that some things aren't ideal at the job, I also realize that no job is perfect. Besides, I tend to enjoy getting paychecks.

"Look, leave me out of this. Don't mention my name to Trudy or to Vince."

"I can't believe you! Well you may be alright with letting people screw you over, but I have balls, man! I'm telling Trudy everything that I think Vince is doing wrong...I think she'll be very interested. Besides, that thing I said in class today, Trudy told me that she wants to talk to me about using it in a marketing campaign."

"What thing was that?" I asked.

"You know, when I said that thing about ‘No School Left Behind’ playing off of the whole ‘No Child Left Behind’ thing. She loved it! I think they're going to offer me a job as a marketing manager. See, I've got ambition...you don't. You may be happy with a lowly job, but I have so much more potential than that. Well, I'm telling her all about Vince, and we'll just see who screws who!"

I simply stared at her, much the same way as you would stare at a train rapidly approaching a brick wall. You know what the end result will be, but are completely unable to stop the train from the impending impact. All you can do is sit back, watch, and pray that no shrapnel comes flying your way.

Because, while Trudy is a nice enough lady, there’s no way she’s going to side with Cara, who had been working for the company for less than six months, over Vince, the dealer who has been selling their product line for over 20 years.

I’m not even sure what Cara is hoping to achieve. Even if Trudy did take her side, the best case scenario is that the company would yank Vince’s right to be the exclusive dealer for their product and we'd both be out of a job.

As is the case with all train wrecks, nothing good is going to come from this one. And I have a sinking feeling that I'm going to get flattened in the process.