life could be so much better

I laid awake last night unable to fall asleep because of a dull, aching pain in my right calf…not my left, so much, but mainly my right. I wasn’t sure why the pain had localized in one leg and not the other. Was my right leg doing the bulk of the work, covering for a lazy left leg that was slacking throughout the whole day? I lay there pondering this, when suddenly I realized that I may be experiencing that ‘restless leg syndrome’ which I had been hearing about so much on television lately.

Clearly, I thought, medication was needed…and I wondered what all those poor people with restless legs did ten years ago, before the affliction was even identified. Those unfortunate souls were left thinking that their sore legs were simply due to muscle strain rather than restless leg syndrome and were never able to seek help. How they survived, I have no idea.

It’s fortunate, I felt, that we live in such a technologically advanced world where we can so easily identify medical disorders that have escaped detection for hundreds of years. And I began wondering just how many other yet-to-be-identified medical problems I had.

All this time I had thought I was reasonably healthy, and now I wasn’t so sure. I was certain that I was suffering from many undiscovered diseases, and could only hope that a cure would soon be discovered before the unfounded maladies killed me.

For instance, I thought, maybe it’s not just my legs that are restless, but perhaps I was suffering from restless brain syndrome too. I was laying there unable to sleep in part due to my leg, but even more so because my mind kept wandering. This restlessness of the brain was decreasing the quality of my life.

There’s other things, too. True, doctors have found cures for Athlete’s Foot and Tennis Elbow already, but what about all those other sport related problems. Granted, I’m not an athlete by anybody’s definition, but even I get aches and pains from physical exertion. Like computer solitaire. I’m quite certain that I’ve developed computer solitaire knuckle from all that mouse button pushing. How can I possibly be expected to live a fulfilling life when no treatment for this disorder exists?

Add these to the eye strain from watching my high definition TV, the butt fatigue from all that excessive couch sitting, and this irritable ear syndrome that I’ve developed from those little ear buds that came with my iPod, and it’s a wonder that I’m even still alive.

I just hope that the medical community will soon recognize and identify these serious disorders of mine and develop some drugs to cure them. Because how am I ever going to live a satisfying life without being properly medicated?