a change to the left

With the start of the new year, I felt the obligatory duty to make some type of attempt at change. I've long ago given up on the whole 'resolution' thing, determining that I simply don't have the resolve required for resolutions. But still, a plan, I reasoned, isn't really a resolution. It's simply a map toward a better life. And my life could clearly use some bettering.

So I began a mental checklist...lose weight, get in shape, pay off old debts, find true love. But after only a few items, I realized that everything listed would take a great deal of time and effort...the exact reason that I don't believe in resolutions in the first place. Things that require time and effort are difficult. And while I would surely welcome change, I'm not looking to increase my daily recommended dose of effort. So these items I changed from the 'change' category to the 'long term change' category, which basically means that they will again appear on next year's 'change' list.

I need something easy that will produce an automatic change, I thought to myself. And then, as if some higher power was listening, the answer came to me. Underpants!

My current underwear situation is stark. Most every pair I own is in the final stages of complete disintegration. Much like sawdust held tenuously together by one or two remaining threads. Now this, I felt, is a change that I could accomplish! And after a quick trip to my local underpants outlet, my new year was off to an excellent beginning.

Shortly after washing and wearing one of my new recruits, I started to question the whole notion of change.

Typically, I favor the boxer brief variety. Boxer shorts, I have found, don't provide the support that I ask for in a pair of underpants. Rather, it's like a bungee-jumping marathon is taking place in my shorts every time I start walking around. The boxer briefs tend to keep things nicely in their respective places without the geek-factor that's associated with the tighty-whiteys.

But as the day wore on in my new underpants, I noticed that things seemed to be off-center. More specifically, things felt quite left of center.

Things never felt off center in my old underpants, but these new ones clearly had a leftward point of view to them. And for the whole day, I remained off balance. The whole world had a different slant to it...a leftist slant. As I walked, I found myself leaning to the left. As I typed, I found that I was favoring the keys that my left hand could reach. Even my political views started leaning to the left.

True, I had accomplished a change...but this change just didn't feel right. It was simply too much of a change too quickly. I enjoyed my world view from the vantage point of my old underpants. Things had their place and actually stayed in their place in my previous underwear.

So, a week into the new year, I've foregone any notion of change. Maybe next year will be my year for improvement, but as for the rest of 2008, I'll be returning to the unchanged me.

At least until the final threads of my underwear snap.