successful shoes

I often find myself taking internet quizzes in my free time because they can provide valuable insights to one's personality. For example, I now know which Scooby-Doo character I am, what breakfast cereal I would be, and which Disney princess I am most compatible with.

The other day, I found myself taking a quiz entitled Are You Successful? It was explained that, by answering a few simple questions, you would be rated as to how closely your answers matched the responses given by successful people. And while I'm not currently successful, I felt that if I possessed these same traits then, surely, success may still find its way to me at some point in the future. Then I'd be able to include myself in the elite of success-dom. The upper class of success.

I breezed straight through the questions, after which I was told that I only scored a 10%. This put my 'success attribute quotient' squarely between that of a used styrofoam cup and a mollusk. This was disheartening since, according to the internet, I had virtually no chance of ever becoming successful. Still, I thought, the internet has been wrong before. That British lottery I supposedly won? Well, I'm still waiting for the check.

I stumbled upon an on-line article the other day called What Your Shoes Say About Success! This, I thought, was a chance at redemption. An opportunity to convince myself...and the internet...that I possess traits which will lead to a successful future. I wear shoes. I have shoes for both business and personal situations. What more could a successful person ask in a pair of shoes?

'Successful people', the article detailed, 'tend to buy three or four new pairs of shoes each year.' I looked over toward my front door where I had deposited my tennis shoes upon entering the apartment. These shoes, I realized, had been bought in 2002. That's six years of wearing the same sneakers. These shoes have seen the whole Britney cycle; from sexy Britney, to mommy Britney, to bald and crazy Britney. These shoes have seen the breakups of Brad and Jen and then Jen and Vince. So, unlike successful people who buy three or four pairs a year, I tend to buy one every decade or so.

Sadly, I had to admit that perhaps the internet knew what it was talking about. Simply, I'm not destined to be included in the upper class of success. Which means that I'm now looking for inclusion in the upper-middle class tier.

Now if I could only find an internet quiz for this.