tasting impaired

I've had a terrible cold for the past several days that has left me feeling very much like an aspirin bottle...head full of cotton and safety seals firmly attached over each nostril. So I've been taking a good bit of Day-Quil to get through each work day. Granted, I could simply take some personal time, but I'm strongly taking sick days when I'm sick. Any day-off should be enjoyed to the fullest...therefore, I'm saving all my sick days until I'm healthy enough to enjoy them.

The problem I've found with Day-Quil, however, is that while it provides breathing relief, I really only have about a half hour of optimal tasting time. Sadly, lunch is the high point of my working day, so the ability to taste is of the utmost importance.

After a couple of un-tastable lunches and some trial and error with my nasal medication, I discovered that if two capsules were taken at precisely nine o'clock in the morning, my taste window fell at the exact time of my lunch break. A nearby diner was serving their famous crab-melt sandwiches...with fries... as their lunch special today, and these crab-melt sandwiches are my all-time favorite from their wide array of lunch time delicacies and appears on the menu very infrequently. So it was essential that I be in prime-tasting form for lunch.

As the noon hour hit, I grabbed my coat and made a dash for the front door, but as I was about to exit into the parking lot, my boss Vince called me into his office. “With the holidays coming up, I've decided to give you one last chance to improve your sales for the year,” he told me. “Here's a flyer that I've typed up outlining some great holiday sales that we'll be offering along with a list of potential clients in the area.”

He handed me the flyer and a stack of papers that had been printed straight off of yellowpages.com for every business within a 50 mile radius of the office. A quick glance at the clock above his desk revealed that my optimal taste window was rapidly closing.

“Now,” he continued, “what I expect you to do for the next two weeks is send each of these places a flyer and follow up with a phone call three days later. This mass marketing blitz that I've designed for you is certain to bring in a few dozen extra sales.”

Time was quickly ticking off the clock and rather than try and point out the futility of junk mail in an attempt to generate sales, I said, “okay Vince...since this is my lunch break, I really should get going.”

“I'm trying to salvage your job here and all you're concerned with is your lunch?!” he fumed. “Sit Down! You can take your full hour when I'm finished!”

45 minutes later, I was given a reprieve and headed out the door to my car. With the slim window of time left, I sped down to the diner in the hopes of salvage a few bites of crab melt that I could actually taste.

I hurriedly placed my order, waited impatiently for the food to arrive and, once sitting on my plate steaming beneath my nose, took that long awaited bite. Chewing slowly, I realized that I had lost my opportunity. The food had no more taste than what I imagined styrofoam would probably taste like.

I nibbled on a few fries until, reluctantly, I gave up the charade and placed a few dollars onto the table...leaving the majority of my meal untouched. Leaving the diner, I decided to stop by at the supermarket near the office and buy an apple, figuring that as long as I couldn't taste anything I may as well eat something healthy for a change.

'This cold had better be gone soon,' I thought to myself. Because I can only withstand so much healthy eating, and soon there would be a multitude of Christmas cookies to indulge in...which was clearly going to require that my taste buds be in top form.